Eve

there was a pause
on the other end of the phone
after I confessed
I'd taken a handful of Haldol
had my stomach pumped
was calling
from a hospital ward

she was angry
I knew; she didn't deny it
when I asked

God, what an education
in a clipped voice
a muted tone

I thank you Eve
for an honest friend's response

a sweetness

I can't remember
the religion of my father's fathers
they never taught me
to change a tire
or ask a question

and my progeny,
they never did ask for
or desire
anything more
than love

for me, here, now
the world is full of forms of light
I listen only for your kind words
every harassment, every debasement
is a sweetness
to my waiting ears

when I am at my worst

maybe I want
that remembrance
that I am a worthy being
when I am at my worst

before the picking
before the compulsive self-denial
in the midst of remorse
before I file
for self-divorce

feel those feelings
the muck in the gut

I am an astonishment
a holy mess
sacred, certainly
nonetheless

cafe IX

I am glad
for the white flowers
on the table
thankful
for the best of David Bowie
Hallo Spaceboy
Life on Mars
The Man Who Sold the World
I am happy
that I am who I am
open, closing, opening again
brave enough
to go through the cycles
of insanity and hope

things I learned today

I

smile -- your destiny
is in your hands
if you mold your future
with an ugly frown on your face
you will find yourself
living in a dilapidated house
on a polluted river

smile -- your destiny
is in your hands

II

there is no future
like the present
this is now
and here is your freedom
live-streaming
from some place within
a fountain bubbling
with joy and newness

untitled and "the mist glows"

shy fly
take my leg
dance til dawn
duck out
to get some sleep
on the wall

* * *

the mist glows
the moonlight
a world of trouble
a burning brand
immersed in a crystal pond
our hearts do know
what we've struggled so long for

this is a phantom mirror
a magic show

put forth spite
and you will get it back
put out your hand
one will reach for yours

the rain on the day you were born
will drown your fears
feed your thirst
sail your tiny boat
bursting with humble expectations
to your home
on an ocean, teeming
with space

thoughts of light

thoughts of light
of its way with a window pane
with a turning of phrase
what is it
about luminescence
about the late afternoon sun
about caffeine on conscious mind

or the heart of a loner
religiously single
in this cafe with its love ballads
rotating, its lovely people
their own thoughts and conversations
revolving around a kernel
of exuberance
and want
and hope