fighting myself

fighting myself,
hardest fight
of my life,
like 8th grade,
when I first wrestled,
which was when I first lost a match,
the sweat, the stink of body odor,
his? mine? no difference, we were like
one being in conflict with itself

fighting myself,
the knock to the bone above the eye,
the lingering, the smarting following
the cold numb of ratcheting pain,
I am out of breath,
I grope, something deep within me
knows the rhythm of death's ocean,
I can't remember my name,
and then,
then the answer surfaces.