no self bittersweet

the bundle
of nerve
touch and tremble
the Total
Marc
Experience

the ceiling is tile
and track light
the floor
abstract carpet passion
the high-backed
comfy chair
and generic
cafe table
the journal,
the only thing here
of sentimental value --
a Christmas gift
from a sweet,
curly-haired friend

this is my world
the sum of my perception

my thoughts --
the image
of people listening to this poem
my agitation
at the noisy kids
at the neighboring table
the ball of gut-grief
in the pit of my throat

something is
missing
broken relationships
vacillating
over repairing them
or letting them be
the cloying bittersweetness
the aggravating uncertainty
all hold this bundle
of me
intact