regrets come in pairs

deaths of this nature
never ones we hope for
and do we hope for
any death?
perhaps --
the merciful end
to a painful struggle
the sudden passing
in bed

and did I love you
as I once asked you
not, "do you love me?"
but "COULD you love me?"
our love-making
contingent on the answer

and did I blame you
for an overdose, or a suicide
or that slow dulling of soul
that is addiction?

forgive me,
I truly did

refused to talk to you
because I could not understand
who you were
where you were going